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Dear Diary, a week in the life of…Wes Brown

July 10, 2011 1 comment

This is the first in a brand new series called “Dear Diary, a week in the life of…” which will take a satirical swipe at the escapades of a football figure in the news. Wes Brown opens up this new feature following his move from Sunderland and speaks of his desire to leave behind John O’Shea who had other ideas…

Dear Diary, I expected this week’s entry to be a lot more positive. Finally, after years of having to put up with John O’Shea, I managed to leave him and join Sunderland.

Next day, I switch on Sky Sports News and who do I find parading round in a Sunderland strip? Sheasy. He’s grinning like a moron. I barely lasted a day without him.

I’d told Sheasy I’d been picked to go to the World Cup and being Irish he had no idea it wasn’t on this summer. Danny Welbeck told me all about Sunderland, said it was far enough away so Sheasy wouldn’t follow me. I thanked Danny for his Catch Me If You Can DVD as I left United.

Brown trying hard to escape from O'Shea.

Sunderland seemed an obvious choice. I like Steve Bruce and he’s impressed with how many England caps I’ve got. If he kicks off I know I can keep him quiet by telling him I’ll give him one for free. Can’t believe that tactic only worked for Darren Fletcher and Andy Goram at Old Trafford.

I’ve wanted to leave ever since Paul Scholes announced his retirement. It’s no fun being ginger at the best of times but once I knew I was going to be the only one left, things changed. Had a bit of a chat with Wayne Rooney about how we were easy targets for abuse on the hair front now. He went for a hair transplant; I decided I’d just go to Sunderland. At least I’ve got Jack Colback here to keep me company. Told him I’d batter him if he dyes his locks, think the message got through.

I met some of the boys in the canteen on my first day. Lee Cattermole crushed a Capri Sun with his hand and told me he’s going to break my nose. Anton Ferdinand assured me it’s a sign of acceptance and told me I should see what he says to those he doesn’t like. I felt uneasy but laughed it off.

Next day Sheasy signed and the atmosphere changed. I heard some murmuring as I went into the canteen; it’s Kieran Richardson and Phil Bardsley blaming me for bringing him here. Am guessing the grapes that hit me came from them. Am guessing the flying chair which just missed my head came from Cattermole.

Onto training and Sheasy stuck to me like glue. It’s like when your mum tells you to walk to school with the nerdy kid because she’s friends with their parents. Meanwhile he tried to recruit people for the Ireland squad. Asking Steed Malbranque if his parents are from Cork is one thing but mentoring Asamoah Gyan on a river dance is a bit far. Cattermole told Sheasy he’s going to break his nose. I’m not sure it’s a term of endearment this time.

After training Sheasy told me Darron Gibson wants to follow him here. He said it’s really annoying when someone just follows you round everywhere. He has no idea.

Debating whether to offer Cattermole a few of my England caps to ‘sort’ Sheasy out. If Gibson gets here too it’s going to be unbearable.

You can follow me on Twitter @liamblackburn.

Premier League New Year’s Resolutions


“A New Years resolution goes in one year and out the other”

Many New Year’s resolutions may already be broken but it’s a bit different when it comes to Premier League footballers. They don’t need to hit the gym to bulk up or (Benni McCarthy aside) get on a diet. So what should some of the Premier League’s men be looking to learn in 2011?

Rory Delap – Learn…a new trick

As all the girls will tell you Rory, long throws are so 2010.

Nobody is talking about “The Delapinator” anymore because his long throws have lost a lot of their potency. For everyone has wised up to Stoke’s fabled gadget and without it, Delap has faded from the spotlight. `

Delap: A one-trick pony?

When a dog rolls over for the first time, it’s impressive but he needs an array of trickery to stay ahead of the pack. Does Delap have a fetch? Can he pull out a bark if the long throw is bombing? I have my doubts.

It doesn’t need to be anything extravagant like a step over or a dummy. This is stereotypically English central midfielder Rory Delap we are talking about. So I suggest he works on a way to develop his long throw. Perhaps doing it backwards or blindfolded? Just a thought Rory, just a thought.

Owen Cole – Learn…where the nearest JJB is and find some tracksuit bottoms!

I like Owen Coyle and lately it appears so does the majority of the country. I just have one major quam with the Bolton boss. His insistence on continuing to wear shorts even in sub zero conditions.

Everyone’s complaining about snoods and gloves but Coyle’s short shorts are even more worrying. Allow me to elaborate. Coyle may be a “tracksuit” manager and that’s fine. If he wants to keep his Sunday best for well, Sundays, so be it.

But what happens when a bigger job opportunity comes alone? Let’s say for arguments sake, at Chelsea.

It’s a Champions League night at The Bridge and José or Pep roll up in their suave, sophisticated suits which perfectly reflect their marvellous tactics.

Then out comes Coyle dressed like an overly enthusiastic substitute to greet them with a handshake. It just doesn’t work. Bigger things may await Mr Coyle in 2011 so let’s hope he dresses accordingly.

Bolo Zenden – Learn…how to dance

The day Asamoah Gyan rocked up in Wearside a warning should have been sounded out to all in the near vicinity. Prepare to party like it’s 1999.

The burning question was who would be the first to join Gyan on the dance floor, Anton Ferdinand? Danny Welbeck? Jordan Henderson? Yet it was 34-year-old Bolo Zenden who joined the Ghanaian in celebration when he scored against Chelsea.

Zenden: Down with the kids

The Dutchman fell into that awkward trap dads do when trying to act “cool” in front of their kids’ friends. Gyan’s moves looked all the more slick when accompanied by his fellow Ghanaians but Zenden’s “booty wiggle” left a lot to be desired.

Still when it comes to Zenden, the will is certainly there and where there’s a will, there’s a way.

With the wide variety of reality based dance shows on television at the moment, Bolo has no excuse. If Vince Cable can master the Foxtrot I see no reason why Zenden can’t bust out the sprinkler or a dice roll for all those at the Stadium of Light. Stay strong Asamoah, we’ll get you some backing dancers yet.

Gary Neville – Learn…how to say “retire”

It’s not as if Father Time has just called for Neville. He’s been waiting outside the door with lager, some chicken and a fishing rod for quite a while.

Last year didn’t end well for the Manchester United right back. He was taken off at half-time after being abused by Matthew Etherington against Stoke and then should have been sent off after he felled Graham Dorrans at West Brom.

A magnificent long-term servant for both club and country, it is sad to see Neville withering away like he has been. The passion is undoubtedly still there in one of the most ardent footballers the league has ever seen but the legs clearly don’t correspond with the brain anymore.

Sir Alex Ferguson is too proud and has too much respect to sit Neville in that rocking chair so it has to be down to the man himself to call it a day.

If I was Phil, Tracey or Neville I think I’d have worked hard to drop a few hints in my Christmas presents. I imagine him now owning a pipe, slippers and a commemorative engraved watch with “thank you for your services”.

Premier League Stars of 2011

December 22, 2010 Leave a comment

“A new year is unfolding – like a blossom with petals curled tightly concealing the beauty within”

There were plenty of men who burst through onto the Premier League landscape in 2010. It was the year when we all got rather excited about Gareth Bale, the year when Nani and Samir Nasri stepped out of Cristiano Ronaldo and Cesc Fàbregas’ commanding shadows and the year when Andy Carroll jumped into Alan Shearer’s intimidating shoes.

Next year promises yet more riveting storylines. Will the fledglings at Arsenal, Chelsea and Manchester United rise to prominence? Will the youthful core keep Aston Villa competitive? And will Manchester City hang on to their talented products?

This is who I think will burst through in 2011.

Wojciech Szczęsny (Arsenal)

He’s already causing bloggers, journalists and spelling perfectionists everywhere nightmares. Yet the man who fears vowels could soon establish himself as one of the league’s top keepers at the tender age of 20.

Arsène Wenger has already stated that he thinks Szczęsny will go on to be Arsenal’s No 1 one day and with doubts over those supposedly ahead of him in the pecking order, that day may come sooner rather than later. He was assured enough when thrown in at the deep end at Old Trafford recently and certainly has the confidence to play for a big team.

Some of Arsenal’s talented band of youngsters always seem to blossom each year and Szczęsny’s maturation could be imminent. The goalkeeper position remains Wenger’s Achilles heel and Szczęsny may be the answer to his woes.

Kieran Gibbs (Arsenal)

There was a time when you thought that with Gaël Clichy for company, Kieran Gibbs was going to have to move elsewhere to kick-start his career. Yet increasingly these days, Clichy looks like a weak link in the Arsenal back line. Gibbs now looks a better all-round and more consistent option for Arsenal and Clichy should be concerned about his starting place next year.

Gibbs is undoubtedly talented but his early forays into the Arsenal team have been hampered by injuries. His development will depend largely on his ability to stay fit.

Sadly he may find it harder to dislodge Ashley Cole in the England team and Leighton Baines’ recent resurgence means Gibbs will have to shine if he’s to even get another call up for the national team.  

Manchester boys Onuoha and Welbeck have flourished at Sunderland

Nedum Onuoha (Sunderland/Manchester City)

Nedum Onuoha has all the physical attributes of Micah Richards yet with the football brain which should take him further.

Whilst he may not possess the cavalier instincts of a Dani Alves or Glen Johnson, the mazy run which led to his goal against Chelsea proved he is adept in advanced positions.

His time at Sunderland has proved that he will shine in this league even if it is not with Manchester City’s instant-gratification project. Vincent Kompany has had a stellar season thus far and City have a plethora of options at both full-back and centre half. But I fully expect Onuoha to be in Fabio Capello’s plans for the coming year wherever he may end up.

Kyle Walker (QPR/Tottenham Hotspur)

Perhaps I have cheated here by including three players who could essentially be considered as “right-backs” but the long-term injury suffered by Blackburn Rovers’ Phil Jones made this a more difficult decision. I believe Johan Djourou will shine too but Wenger will remain cautious as he returns from injury. Kyle Walker has also featured in a more central position for QPR and he has been an inspirational loan signing for them. Their rock solid defence has been the main reason for their lofty position and Walker must take some credit for that.

He looks like a commanding figure who is comfortable on the ball but not afraid to put a foot in when it is required. Walker is the only player in this 11 currently playing outside of the Premier League but his bright performances for QPR should allow him to break into the Tottenham team when he returns.

Rafael Da Silva (Manchester United)

Rafael has so far been plagued by the naivety of youth. His sending off against Bayern Munich last season was a prime example of how, in the heat of battle, he would often do something rash.

He still has a tendency to dive in rather than stand up and hold back but his defensive capabilities are improving.

Excellent performances against Tottenham and Arsenal and the fact he was rested for the big derby against Manchester City prove that Sir Alex Ferguson believes he can trust the Brazilian. With Wes Brown seemingly out of favour, Gary Neville nearing the end and John O’Shea still very much the utility man, Rafael is currently the fore runner for the right back berth.

Alongside the experienced heads of Edwin van der Sar, Nemanja Vidić, Rio Ferdinand and Patrice Evra, Rafael can be the final component of United’s rear-guard this coming year.

Gaël Kakuta (Chelsea)

His name will be familiar with many fans even if his appearances for Chelsea’s team have so far been sparse.  The controversy surrounding his signing should tell you that Chelsea were simply desperate to sign Gaël Kakuta.

His limited number of first team appearances have been received warmly and he was a key cog in the French under-19 team that won the European Championships last summer.

Chelsea rarely dip their sizeable hands into the transfer market these days and with an aging squad, the emphasis is clearly on youth. Few have broken through since Roman Abramovich’s arrival but Kakuta is heading a talented group of players who may well finally buck that trend.

Anderson (Manchester United)

It’s not been easy for Anderson at Manchester United. He has struggled to define his role, there have been question marks about his attitude and on top of that, an injury somewhat derailed his progress.

In the past few weeks though, Anderson seems to be finally realising what he needs to do to make himself into a top class footballer. He offers United something which nobody else in that midfield group can. He is a bustling box to box midfielder with the energy, stamina and strength to drive the heart of that midfield. If he can start scoring on a regular basis, he will be invaluable to United’s title aspirations.

This time last year teammate Nani embarked on a turnaround and now Anderson has the chance to tread a similar path. Anderson has been rewarded with a new contract and an extended run in the first team. The stage is most certainly set for him to finally blossom in 2011.

Stuart Holden (Bolton Wanderers)

At 25, Stuart Holden is the oldest man in this group but in terms of his time in England, his football career is still very much in its infancy.

Initially at Sunderland before heading to America, Holden has only been with Bolton for 12 months but in that time he has been the catalyst for their Owen Coyle-inspired turnaround.

Holden’s poise and calmness on the ball make him an instantly likeable player. He is proficient with both feet and is excellent at keeping possession. Coyle’s Bolton have utilised a 4-4-2 formation and their recent success has owed much to Holden’s marvellous midfield play.

Whilst he has received some praise I fully expect Holden to soon be recognised as one of the league’s best midfielders and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him end up with a bigger club in the summer.

Aston Villa's academy has been one of the league's best in recent years

Marc Albrighton (Aston Villa)

Marc Albrighton has spent the last few months of 2010 forming a burgeoning reputation in the game as one of the country’s more exciting prospects. He was desperately unlucky to miss out on the last England squad but his time is fast approaching. 

Unlike compatriots Theo Walcott, Aaron Lennon and Shaun Wright-Phillips, the main weapon in Albrighton’s artillery is his final delivery. His whipped crosses are akin to something the magical right boot of David Beckham might conjure up. Albrighton has the pace and the trickery, but his nous for providing exquisite crosses set him apart. He has also weighed in with plenty of goals.

His attitude too is mightily refreshing as pointed out in a recent Sunday Times feature.

I fully expect Albrighton to nail down England’s right midfield position by next year and that can only be good news for England’s frustrated strikers.

Danny Welbeck (Sunderland/Manchester United)

Sir Alex Ferguson had suggested the summer before last season that Danny Welbeck would be included in England’s World Cup squad. But Welbeck endured a difficult season, ending it on loan at Preston North End. Marginalised in wider roles and still needing to bulk up, Ferguson’s premonition looked rather foolish.

Yet in the past few weeks, he has been inspired at Sunderland. He has scored goals with his feet and his head, performed the role of poacher and creator and been both quick and strong. There now seems little doubt that Welbeck will end up back at Old Trafford next year and he certainly has the fans rooting for him. United haven’t brought through many strikers in recent years and Welbeck now has an excellent opportunity to fill that void.

Nathan Delfouneso (Aston Villa)

Delfouneso’s inclusion is a gamble based on the fact that he has rarely featured thus far for Villa. It would have been easier to pack the midfield and opt for Barry Bannan, Jack Rodwell or Josh McEachran. Yet Delfouneso could feature prominently for Villa next year and has all the attributes to be 2011’s Andy Carroll.

With Villa’s brash spending days firmly behind them, Gérard Houllier has to look at what he already has. John Carew’s temperament and Emile Heskey’s injuries could propel Delfouneso into the spotlight. He is quick and has a robust figure which should allow him to cope with the physical demands of the league.

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